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Life's Annoyances

This is kind of long but some are pretty fun and a lot are right on target.....

1. You're served a cup of coffee with a puddle in the saucer.
2. You pull a drawer out too far and dump the contents all over the floor.
3. You step on a wet floor with your socks on.
4. You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid plastic thing in the middle of them...
5. ...then check yourself out in a mirror the size of a credit card.
6. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
7. The hangers in your closet get all tangled up.
8. The elevator stops on every floor, but no one gets on.
9. The hot dogs come ten per package, the buns, eight.
10. Your dry cleaner puts staples in your $450 suit.
11. There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
12. You're put on hold and forced to listen to a three-minute rhumba rendition of "Rhapsody in Blue."
13. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
14. Batteries are NOT included.
14b. ASSEMBLY is required.
15. It's bad enough you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
16. You videotape a four-star movie using last week's TV Guide.
17. Your dentist has bad breath.
18. You put your drink down at a party and there are three more just like it when you go to pick it up.
19. The egg salad jettisons out the back of your sandwich when you take a bite.
20. The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
21. The tip of your ballpoint pen leaves tiny blobs of ink on the page that smear on contact.
22. The little hanger loop on the collar of your coat breaks the first time you use it.
23. The library book you're reading has 23 pages of coffee stains right in the middle of it...
24. ...and four pages of what you hope are chocolate smudges shortly thereafter.
25. The person sitting next to you in the theater hogs the armrest for the entire performance.
26. There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
27. Your waiter removes your plate before you've finished the last tasty bite.
28. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
29. Department stores have scores of cash registers to take your money, but only one overcrowded cashier's window to issue refunds.
30. There are no hooks in the fitting room.
31. The germy metal tab on your beverage can dips into the soda when you open it.
32. A fire-engine-red sock accidentally finds its way into your load of white washables.
33. The waiter asks if everything is okay when your mouth is full.
34. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
35. You open the wrong side of the milk (or OJ) carton.
36. The telemarketing rep not only interrupts your dinner, he mangles the pronunciation of your name.
37. You have to spread cold, hard peanut butter on a slice of soft bread.
38. The waitress refills your cup of decaf with regular coffee.
39. Your toasty shower turns into a scalding nightmare when someone flushes the toilet.
40. The child-proof medicine cap serves to remind you that you are still a child.
41. You pull on the toilet paper and the whole reel comes flying off into the toilet.
42. You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
43. You accidentally dial the same person you just talked to.
44. Your lobster salad sandwich turns out to be sea legs supreme.
45. It costs you $127 to frame a $6 poster.
46. You spend five minutes explaining your situation to someone on the phone who turns out to be the answering service.
47. You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
48. You open a magazine and a reply card comes fluttering out onto your lap.
49. Another one comes fluttering out several pages later.
50. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
51. Someone sitting near you on the train passes gas every seven minutes for the duration of the trip.
52. People turn around and glare as if YOU did it.
53. You go out of your way to hold the door for someone and they walk right by without saying thank you.
54. You light a damp match and the flaring head fuses to your finger.
55. You're in the bathroom at a friend's house, the door doesn't lock, and their three-year-old kid is trying to push his way in.
56. You park at a curb and your car door scrapes along the sidewalk when you open it.
57. You write an address on an envelope, then realize it's upside-down.
58. You have to send it out anyway because it's your last envelope.
59. You're sitting in traffic on the freeway and a car comes whizzing by on the shoulder.
60. The edges of your potato chips are green.
61. People get annoyed when you ask them to remove their stuff from an available seat.
62. Two weeks after your permanent, your hair still smells like sulfured peaches.
63. Your refreshments at the movie theater cost more than dinner.
64. A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
65. The 20-minute wait estimated by the maitre d' turns out to be an hour and a half.
66. You call a business...are put back on hold...wait about ten minutes...hear a click...then get a dial tone.
67. There are always one or two more ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
68. You spill half the water in the tray trying to reinsert it into the freezer.
69. You have to pull your new lamp out of a box containing 15,000 foam peanuts.
70. No matter how tight you attach the hose to the outdoor faucet, it leaks, sprays, and dribbles.
71. You have a popcorn fleck stuck to the back of your palette and your tongue can't reach it.
72. While in a restaurant bathroom, you see an employee emerge from a stall and walk past the sink out the door.
73. You see that same employee assembling your salad.
74. You bash your shin on the corner of a coffee table.
75. The car in front of you at the toll plaza doesn't realize it's an exact change lane.
76. There are no mirrors in the fitting room so you have to model that scanty new bathing suit in front of the lunchtime shopping crowd.
77. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
78. Garden gates always scrape the ground when you open them.
79. They glue the inside paper liner to the cereal box, so when you go to roll it up you tear a big hole in it.
80. The drawstring on your sweatpants slips irretrievably into its sleeve.
81. You're running behind schedule with your dinner party and one of your guests shows up a half-hour EARLY.
82. You forget to serve one of the dishes you made.
83. Your coffee cup is filled so high you can't put any milk or sugar in it.
84. Presumptuous salespeople call you by your first name.
85. You've got this one song in your head and it's driving you crazy.
86. There are three people on the sidewalk watching while you're trying to parallel park.
87. The children of your guests walk on your furniture with their shoes.
88. You fill out an application and put information in the wrong boxes.
89. The plastic wrap (or tape) sticks to the roll and you haven't got a clue where to begin peeling it.
90. You have to sit through 37 loud and obnoxious car dealer commercials during one evening of television.
91. You practically rip the skin off your fingers trying to open a beer bottle that ISN'T a twist-off.
92. You practically rip the skin off your fingers trying to open a beer bottle that IS a twist-off.
93. Your doctor will charge you if you miss an appointment, but couldn't care less how long you wait in his office.
94. Your cassette player turns seven minutes of your favorite tape into spaghetti.
95. You can't find your ticket stub to get back in.
96. You staple a stack of papers but only one side of the staple goes through.
97. Your staple remover can't handle this kind of contingency.
98. You try to start your car while the engine is running.
99. You send money to a charity and a week later you get a letter saying "Thank you, but could you please contribute some more?"
100. Putting on a bra after getting out of a warm shower.
101. You wake up suddenly from a fascinating dream, and immediately forget what it was.

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