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Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an *sshole

100,000,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!


If you're driving close enough to read this, you probably learned to drive in Texas.

JESUS SAVES ... They Pass It To Gretzky ... He Shoots ... He SCORES!

Jesus is coming! Look busy!

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

CHRISTIANS: Can't live with them, can't feed them to the lions any more.

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom


All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots....I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drinkie.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

I Suffer From A Sexually Transmitted Disease - Children

Keep honking!! I'm reloading...

Happiness is Bill Clinton's face on a milk carton.

Follow any closer, and I'll flip a booger on your windshield!

I love cats! (they taste just like chicken)

If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my arse!

If you are driving the speed of light and turn your lights on, does anything happen?

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